Chapter Eight

“I thought I heard voices,” Mitch said behind her as he stepped out onto the porch.

Audra looked over her shoulder.

“Mr. Carmichael stopped by extending that invitation to dinner tomorrow evening.”

That catch in her heart caught her by surprise again. It seemed to happen every time she saw him. Taking a deep breath, she tried to regain a feeling of tranquillity.

“And that has you upset?” he asked, his eyes narrowed as he studied her expression.

“No.”

Her face flamed. She’d never be good at subterfuge. Neither did she wish to bring up the missed dinner six months ago. There was no sense rehashing past mistakes.

“Actually, I, um, didn’t know if I should have accepted for you. His invitation caught me by surprise. I didn’t have a chance to think before he was heading off to the other cottage to invite the honeymooners.”

“I like fish. You mentioned the honeymooners before. Who are they?”

“Bart and Patty Stevens. They’ve been married, let’s see, it will be eight or nine days now. And if you ask, they’ll tell you down to the minute.” She smiled ruefully. “They are so crazy in love.”

“Um,” he said, leaning against the porch column and gazing toward the gleam of water. “That won’t last.”

Audra’s smile faded. “No, it won’t, will it, according to you. Wait until the reality of life slams them in the face.”

Mitch slanted her a look.

“Just because what we had wasn’t the kind of love that lasts a lifetime doesn’t mean others can’t find it,” Audra continued. “Wait until you see the Carmichaels together. They’re in their late seventies and have been married more than fifty years. You can feel the love surrounding them. Just because what we had didn’t last doesn’t mean love isn’t real or doesn’t exist. Look at Thomas and Tessa—it’s obvious others experience it.”

“But not you and me?”

“I can’t speak for you, Mitch, but I hope to find a deep and abiding love one day. A lasting love, a feeling of completeness and desire to share my life with one special person. I thought it was you. But that doesn’t mean I’m giving up or resigning myself to living alone forever.”

Brave words, which she wasn’t sure she meant. For the time being she was too scared of being hurt again.

“You won’t be alone. You’ll have the baby,” he reminded her.

“Yes and I’ll love this child like crazy. But I also want an adult love, someone to share my life with. Is that such a hard concept?”

“Isn’t that what we tried? You walked out, not me. My mother walked out on my old man. If that’s what love does, I don’t want any part of it. I gave it a shot, but it didn’t work.”

Audra took a deep breath and tried to damp down the anger that rose.

“I left, but our marriage was over before that night. I could argue that you were already gone. And I don’t know what happened between your father and mother. I expect you don’t know the full story—only the two of them know it all. But don’t you think one day you’ll regret spending your entire life alone—focused exclusively on work? What about a family? How much time will you devote to your son or daughter? Will you want to share holidays with the baby? What about a shoulder to lean on when things get tough?”

“I have Thomas for family. And I can stand alone if things get tough. Isn’t that what you’re doing?”

She shook her head. “You think I’m on my own because I came here to be alone. But I have a mother who is very supportive. I have several very close friends. Cousins who would help out in a minute. But I still want that special someone—”

“Some man to come in and sweep you off your feet?” The sarcasm bit.

She laughed aloud.

“That’s so dumb. Men don’t sweep women off their feet anymore. I’m talking about a partnership. I’ll bring something to the relationship as will he. And together we’ll have that special relationship—like the Carmichaels. When you see them together, you’ll be so amazed. They remind me of honeymooners even after fifty years.”

“You’d better make sure they know up-front we are not going to be holding hands and making eyes at each other.”

Audra turned away, nodding her head in agreement. Even when they were dating, Mitch didn’t hover. He was nothing like Bart Stevens who seemed to be constantly touching Patty. Wistfully she wished he were.

But at least he was going to the dinner. She hoped it wouldn’t prove awkward.

A pang hit that their marriage had not stood the test of time. That the love and caring she’d had for the man hadn’t been enough to bridge the differences between them.

“I’m going in,” she said, wanting time alone. Needing time away from him before his proximity had her imagining things that would never again be.

When Audra and Mitch walked to the next cottage just before seven the next evening, Audra was surprised to see a wooden picnic table set up near the back door of the cottage, fully set for dinner. Nearby a portable barbecue unit was already glowing with coals.

“Welcome.” Mrs. Carmichael bustled out of the house to greet them.

“This is nice,” Audra said, waving at the table.

“We called the front desk and they arranged everything. This is really a wonderful resort. They claim to have everything we could wish for and so far, I believe them. They’ll pick it up tomorrow, unless we wish to keep it to eat out on from time to time while we’re here. I thought this would be much nicer than eating inside. Come and sit down.”

“Mrs. Carmichael, I don’t know if you met Mitch,” Audra began.

“Oh, call me Sandra. And my husband is John. Nice to meet you, Mitch. What can I get you to drink? John has some beer and there’s wine or soft drinks,” she said smiling at Audra.

They were barely settled with drinks when Bart and Patty Stevens strolled up. Sandra made hasty introductions and hurried off to get their beverages.

Patty smiled and snuggled closer to Bart.

“How lovely to be expecting a baby. We want children, but not right away. We want to spend sometime together first. How long have you two been married?”

“Eighteen months,” Mitch stated baldly.

Audra looked at him, waiting for the rest. He flicked her a glance, then looked back at the Stevens. He wasn’t going to tell them their marriage was over?

At least not mentioning it took care of any awkwardness. And it was true. They had married almost eighteen months ago—lived as man and wife for twelve of those months and had been separated for six.

Audra changed the subject. By the time the first platter of fish was placed in the center of the table, the three couples chatted as if they’d known each other for years—despite the differences in age.

Twice, Audra took a moment to watch Mitch. She’d missed him. Missed hearing him talk, laughing at his dry humor, and watching him argue points he was trying to make. Bart had to be at least six or seven years younger than Mitch and John Carmichael was a good forty plus years older. Yet the three men had plenty to say, often arguing, but Audra suspected that was Mitch’s doing, since he reveled in it.

It was late when the party broke up. Audra wondered if they’d do something like this again before the others left. It had been a delightful evening. She liked people and was glad the neighboring cottages had such congenial couples staying in them.

“Did you enjoy yourself?” she asked as they stepped onto the porch.

“I did. I could tell you were having fun, too.”

She was struck by the fact he’d noticed.

“I had a great time. I also realized that except for one or two comments, you didn’t talk about your work at all. Do you feel you’re suffering from withdrawal?” she teased, stalling.

She hated for the evening to end. For a few hours Mitch had been the man she remembered. Attentive, attractive and amusing. She hated to let it go.

“Want to sit out for a while or are you tired?”

“I’m not tired. I’m still revved up from the conversation, I guess. Plus, I rested earlier. How about you?”

“I’m fine.”

“Are you getting enough rest, Mitch? You’re still working even though you are supposed to be convalescing.”

“I’m fine, Audra. I don’t need a keeper.”

His quiet voice held a note of steel in it. Audra blinked.

“Of course you don’t. And if you did, I’m not applying for the job.”

He was silent and Audra tried to relax. It was difficult when she was so aware of him. She could easily reach out and touch him if she dared.

She thought she had gotten over Mitch during the months they’d been apart. Now she was starting to wonder if she had been fooling herself.

Crossing her arms over her chest she clenched her hands into fists to resist temptation. What was the matter with her? They’d tried love and marriage. It hadn’t worked and it was time to let go and move on.

“Cold?”

“No.”

“Tell me, do you plan to continue work after the baby is born?” he asked.

“After the first few months, yes. I have a long maternity leave, but I love my job. And they are holding it for me.”

“So you don’t believe a woman should stay home with her children?”

“Not necessarily. My mother always worked and I think I turned out okay. The reality is how the relationship works when we’re together. This baby will be a very important part of my life. I’ll take the best care of him or her.”

He leaned his head back. Audra thought he’d closed his eyes, but it was too dark to see him clearly. Was he having another dizzy spell?

“Are you all right, Mitch?” she asked, growing concerned.

“I’m still trying to come to terms with a baby on the way.”

Truth to tell, she wondered if she hadn’t wanted to share her precious baby with a man who put work before all else. She wanted her son or daughter to know it was loved. But she had robbed Mitch of the chance to share in the joy.

“Are you angry about the baby?”

“No.”

He was silent a moment, then said, “But I’m hurt you didn’t tell me when you first knew.”

“I guess I had some outdated notion you’d think we needed to live together if I told you. And there is nothing you can do before it’s born.”

“We’ll never know, now, will we?”

“Tell me,” she said, ruthlessly changing the subject, “is this your idea of a relaxing convalescent, scrambling to do things on the phone or via fax or the computer, rather than going into the office?”

“Not your idea of relaxing, huh?”

“Definitely not. You need lessons in how to relax. Do you want to go walking with me tomorrow?”

She waited for his answer with some trepidation. While she still felt pumped up from the delightful dinner, she knew she ran a certain risk in inviting him.

“Didn’t yesterday’s trek tire you out?”

“Yes, but today’s rest perked me right up and I’m raring to go again. Only this is the last time I ask. If you don’t keep this appointment, I cross you off my list.”

“I promise to be ready to leave when you are.”

For a moment Audra wanted to ask why he hadn’t been able to make such a promise when they were together.

“Is this another attempt to circle the lake?” he asked.

“No. There are some paths leading back toward the hills, I thought we could hike up and see if there’s a view.”

“Sounds strenuous.”

“No, easy enough for a pregnant lady. I checked with the front desk. I’m not talking rock climbing. How about you?”

“Wherever a pregnant lady can go, I can go. Fix a picnic and we’ll eat it while enjoying that fabled view.”

“If we find one.”

He rolled his head toward her.

“Actually I could just look at you and enjoy the view.”

Heat swept through her at his words. She lost her train of thought. Mitch had never been one to give compliments. How she cherished this one.

Feeling flustered, Audra didn’t know how to respond. “What a nice thing to say.”

“It’s true. You’re a beautiful woman, Audra. I don’t think I fully appreciated that before.”

Stunned, she tried to see him in the faint starlight. Only his silhouette was visible.

“It’s getting late.”

Great, run away, she thought,. What she really wanted to do was to stay and see if he’d say something more.

“And we’ll want an early start,” he said, rising.

Holding his hand for her, he clasped hers when she offered it and pulled her gently to her feet.

Only he didn’t let go. Audra felt tongue-tied. She tried to see his expression, but it was too dark.

“Good night,” she said softly, wondering if that would release her from the spell.

“Good night, Audra.”

He didn’t move. Didn’t release her. But his head seemed to be coming closer. Was he planning to kiss her?

Her heart skipped a beat and began a frantic beat. Panic flared. She hadn’t been kissed in months except for his angry kiss that first day. Was she ready for this?

Sidestepping to her left, she tugged her hand free.

“I’ll make a picnic lunch tomorrow. But be warned, I’m leaving right at nine.”

“I’ll be ready.”

Was there a thread of amusement in his tone? Audra didn’t stop to analyze it, she opened the door and practically ran up the stairs.