Jessica

After five minutes of trying to figure out the new alarm system my parents bought to keep Jake out, I disarm it and let him in.

He stands in the foyer, chest heaving. “How could you?” he croaks.

My hand flutters to my mouth. “Jake, I’m—”

“You’re sorry?” He brushes past me into the house. “Why? Because you offered my ex fifty bucks to kiss me?”

“It wasn’t like th—”

“I said don’t.” His voice rings through the house. “No more lies.” He paces the hallway and then enters the living room and collapses onto the sofa, his head in his hands. “Why didn’t you tell me that you made the bet?”

I try to sit beside him, but Jake thrusts out his hand. “Not so close.”

A lump forms in my throat. I perch on the recliner across from him and start to cry.

Jake watches me, waiting. He hasn’t shaved, and his eyelashes are spiked with dried tears. His long fingers tap his thighs, but his pupils are huge, as if his eyes are melting in their sockets. I sense the fury that underlies his hurt like a shark coasting beneath the waves. “You sold me out for fifty bucks and you didn’t have the nerve to tell me,” he says, voice raw. “Fifty fucking dollars. Is that all I’m worth to you?”

My breath scrapes across my throat in a gasp. Jake’s right, there’s no point in saying sorry, because there’s no excuse for what I did. I made a bet that broke us up, turned his private life into national TV coverage, and ended with him in juvenile hall. And then I was too cowardly to tell him the truth. I knew he’d be upset, and I was right.

He lifts his head, and our eyes meet. “Did you even care if your gamble broke us up?” he asks.

My first answer dies on my lips, because of course I care, but…there’s more to it. “I—I don’t know.”

Jake sits taller, squares his shoulders. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

I squirm as feelings I haven’t addressed bubble to the surface. “Maybe I was testing you.”

Jake thinks about that and then shakes his head. “No, nope. Do not throw that shit on me, Jessica. I gave you no reason to test me.” He taps the arm of the sofa. “I told you how much I loved you every single day. We were happy; I was, anyway. I think you did it to push me away, to break us up. You wanted your freedom for college.”

There is truth in his words, even though that’s not why I did it, and he reads it in my expression.

“It would have been kinder to break up with me,” he says, trembling.

I slide off the recliner and crawl closer. “It’s not that I wanted my freedom, but if you want to bring that up…You were a lot, Jake. You watched me, followed me, kept track of me. You didn’t trust me.”

“Bullshit,” he cries. “You act like I’m a stalker or something. I thought you liked being together all the time. It doesn’t help that we’re neighbors.”

I blink, and tears spill from my eyes. “You didn’t want me to go to Colorado for college.”

He rips off his windbreaker and tosses it. “Of course I didn’t! It makes me sad and I’m going to miss you. Fuck, what am I supposed to say, that I want you to leave?”

His words slice me like knives, and it hits me how much we’ve avoided talking about this. We’ve been dancing in a burning building, not wanting to acknowledge that it’s falling down around us.

“If I clung to you, it was only because I knew you were leaving.” Jake rubs his forehead as if it hurts. “I wanted to spend every last second with you and give us the best senior year ever.”

I shake my head, confused by his perspective, because from mine, it felt like he would never let me go.

He meets my gaze, his eyes liquid. “I was proud of you, Jessica. I was glad you were getting out of here, and I was jealous. I’m the one staying behind, and I didn’t want to think about that.”

Jake’s words slay me. “I didn’t know.”

“You didn’t ask,” he growls. “You always think you know everything.” He leans back and wipes his palm on his jeans. “If you weren’t trying to break up with me, then why make the bet? Did you think that winning would end your war with Tegan?”

My mouth drops open, and he stands up to leave.

“Maybe this was never about me. Maybe it was always about her. But you know what? I don’t care. We both fucked up.”

“Jake, stop!”

“Why?” He pauses with his shoulders sloped, his jaw loose, the fight in him gone.

I’ve never hurt Jake before, never seen him sad because of me, and my heart shatters. There are no magic words to repair the damage I’ve done. He doesn’t trust me but he deserves the truth. I exhale a long, slow breath. “You’re right, I did it because of her. At the bonfire party, Tegan made a comment about getting you back, and I wanted to prove she couldn’t. I wanted to beat her at something. I wanted to win. I should have told you. I’m sorry that it went so far.”

Jake hooks a thumb into his pocket and nods as if he understands, but then his sad eyes harden. “The only way to beat Tegan Sheffield is not to play.”

He strides out my front door without bothering to close it.