Jessica

The sight of Jake in handcuffs at school crushed me in a million different ways. How could he look so guilty and so helpless at the same time? I don’t know if the cops apprehended him for hurting Tegan or for killing Shawna—or both—but I have to turn off my phone because everyone is asking me. It feels as if Jake and I are still attached, but like an amputated limb, there’s nothing there.

I race from my last class to meet up with Chloe and Alyssa in the school parking lot. We signed up to join a search party on the coast after school. The urgency to find Tegan has grown exponentially since Shawna was found in the ocean yesterday. I spot Alyssa first, standing beside Chloe’s Tahoe. “Holy shit, are you okay, Jess?” she asks. “Did Jake really run from the cops in world history?”

“He didn’t run,” I whisper. “They handcuffed him and—” My voice cracks as tears burn behind my eyes. Seeing Jake like that scared me worse than I thought.

Chloe wraps her arms around my waist and leans into me. “He brought it on himself, Jess. Don’t feel bad.”

Alyssa nods. “You know how much I adore Crystal Cove’s cutest couple, but I’m with Clo; he brought this on himself, like he always does. You guys remember ninth grade when he tossed his chair at the wall in English because the teacher made him read out loud?”

I let out a breath. “That’s not fair, Alyssa. You heard Jake read—he was embarrassed, not angry.”

“You make a lot of excuses for him, Jess.”

My throat tightens against a fresh onslaught of tears. Am I making excuses or giving viable explanations? The difference between the two has grown fuzzy since the party. “I have to work tonight. Let’s get this over with.”

We pile into Chloe’s Tahoe, and the mood in the car deflates as we ride the rest of the way in silence. As Chloe’s Tahoe approaches the coast, we drive straight into thick fog. It envelops the SUV and forms a ceiling above the grassy pastures that line each side of the highway. Cow and alpaca herds dot the greenery, and a salty scent reaches through the damp, beckoning as the sea does.

Chloe’s headlights beam on as she follows the gently curving road through the foothills and then crosses over the Russian River into Jenner.

“Almost there,” she says as the coastline appears ahead, a thin vein of yellow sand separating the endless ocean from the tall, sheer cliffs that contain it. The Sheffield home is just a mile south, at the top of one of these outcroppings. It sits smug on its perch, a modern geometric masterpiece, a blazing prism of glass against the fog-filled sky, a stubborn stand against Mother Nature, who will one day blow the house down.

I inhale the chilly air and release a long slow breath. Here, my problems feel small.

When we arrive, the parking lot is full of volunteers who want to find Tegan. Chloe pulls into a parking spot and then hesitates before getting out of the car. “There’s Grady,” she whispers. Tegan’s brother is standing with Hailey from school, talking.

“You don’t look happy to see him,” Alyssa comments.

“No, I am.” Chloe bites her lip. “I told you, it’s been weird since his sister went missing. I don’t…I don’t know what to say to him.”

“Say you’re sorry,” Alyssa offers.

“For what? We don’t know if Tegan’s dead or alive.”

Alyssa shrugs and points toward the boulders in the sea beneath Falcon’s Peak. “Shawna’s body was found out there.”

That sobers us, and we spill out of the car and walk to the back of the volunteer line. Officials stand beneath a temporary canopy that is threatening to fly away in the blasting wind. It’s twenty degrees cooler here than it was in town, and I shiver in my hoodie.

“Thanks for coming,” Grady says, leaving Hailey and approaching us warily.

“What can we do to help?” Chloe asks. She avoids his sad gaze, and I feel sorry for Grady. Everyone probably acts weird around him; I know I’m not comfortable.

He ushers us to the front of the line, since he’s a member of the family. The volunteer in charge guides us through the steps of registering, and Tegan’s situation feels direr by the minute. “Write your names and school or driver’s license ID numbers here,” says the volunteer, consulting her clipboard.

“Our IDs?” Chloe asks.

The volunteer nods distractedly. “The police are keeping track of everyone who shows up.”

I spot the detective I talked to Monday after the party, the one who was searching the woods around Tegan’s house. I lied and told him that I’d just hit an animal on the road, and remembering that makes my bladder shiver. Detective Green frowns at first, as if he can’t place me, and then recognition dawns and he nods.

The volunteer official interrupts the moment. “You’ll be in area seven, over there. See the tall gentleman in the red baseball cap?”

Grady nods.

“That’s Arjun. He’ll tell you what to do. Here, have a water bottle.” She hands each of us a plastic water bottle, and we make our way through the damp sand toward Arjun.

He’s in his late twenties and sporting a broad grin, and he gets even more excited when he sees us. “More helpers, yes, good. We’re just about to set out. Quick recap, folks: We’re looking for anything unusual, anything that might not normally be on a beach. You’re looking for thingamajigs, yes, just like the Little Mermaid—jewelry, utensils, cigarette butts, beer cans, bottles, coins—anything a human would use!”

Alyssa squints at me. “Little Mermaid?” she mouths.

Grady gazes at Arjun, nodding as if this volunteer is going to single-handedly find his sister. God, this kid is killing me. He’s fifteen, the same age Jake was when he lost his dad, but Grady’s a young fifteen—so trusting, the kind of person who believes that adults tell the truth, that the nice guys always win, that bad things don’t happen to good people. Our heartless ocean has taught him nothing.

Passing by the smashing waves, we hike south to a staked flag stuck in the sand, the marker for area seven. “If you find something, do not touch it,” Arjun warns us. “Find me and I’ll radio it in to the authorities on hand. Spread out and don’t go past that marker.” He points at a flag farther away and then releases us.

We separate, but Grady’s not moving. He glances at the volunteers scattered around the beach, his eyes watering. Every one of us is shorter than he is, but he looks so small and lost with the Pacific Ocean raging behind him. I grab his arm. “Don’t turn your back on the ocean.”

“What?” he yells over the surf.

“Never turn your back on the ocean, Grady. This beach is dangerous. Why don’t you head toward the cliffs, and I’ll search by the water?”

He nods, and then our eyes lock and I see the boy I used to play with at Tegan’s—except now he’s almost grown.

“Do you know why your boyfriend made that video with my sister?” he asks.

I gasp, stung. “Why is this Jake’s fault? It was her bedroom, her TV downstairs!” I get that Grady wants to avenge his sister’s honor, a true Southern boy, but I can’t help him.

He shakes his head like he used to when he was little, quick, like a shiver. “Y’all think you know my sister, but you don’t,” he says quietly. “She’s changed since her group hooked up with Marcus, but I know she wouldn’t broadcast herself doing…that.”

Now is not the time to tell Grady what I know about Tegan—she’s a mean girl who wraps her insults in charm and honey. Stunning jacket, Jess. Only you could wear that color. You’re dating Jake? What a catch for you! I wish I had your figure; my boobs stretch out all my tops. And straight from the mean girl’s handbook, she has a posse of minions that do her bidding and flatter her—like Shawna, Brendon, Chiara, and Hailey.

Grady lifts his chin. “You’re jealous.” His words slice straight through me because they’re true.

“Just stay away from the water, okay?” I bend my head and start walking. The dark wet sand is strewn with tangy-smelling seaweed, broken crab and abalone shells, driftwood, and lots of thingamajigs. The cave where Jake and I first kissed is a dark smudge against the cliffs and the tide is high at this moment, making it inaccessible.

I spend most of the two hours marking things as small as bottle caps—a piece of food wrapping, colored string, a girl’s hair clip—and then wait for the forensic squad to send over an intern. Everyone got pretty excited about the hair clip, but it’s plastic with a little heart at the end, nothing Tegan would wear. They bagged it up anyway.

Grady wanders around, mostly in circles. He shouldn’t be here.

By the end of our shift, we’re tired, wind-chapped, and defeated. I believe we’ve witnessed the most organized beach cleanup in Crystal Cove’s history, but I doubt a single recovered thingamajig will help us find Tegan.

Grady slumps by Chloe’s car, his shoulders quivering. “The police are bringing search dogs, but if Tegan’s in the water…how will they find her?”

“Oh, Grady, don’t think about that.” Chloe rubs his back.

“If Jake didn’t do this, that bastard Marcus did. He threatened my sister. He beat up Shawna. The police told my mom they found human skin and blood beneath Shawna’s nails. They believe she fought with someone before she died.”

“Holy shit,” says Alyssa.

“Y’all best not repeat that,” he adds. Grady faces the sea, his cobalt eyes scanning the waves. “One of the dogs is a cadaver dog.” His jaw muscles clench.

Do you think there’s dirt in her mouth? Amara asked me at Layers. Suddenly I feel light-headed.

Chloe stares up at Grady, who’s a whopping seventeen inches taller than she is. “I’m sorry,” she whispers, touching his hand.

His shoulders quake, and we’re all silent a moment as he gains control of himself. “If we just had her phone, I—I think we’d know everything,” he says, and my heart starts a slow gallop in my chest.

“Look, there’s Brendon.” Alyssa points out the Cameraman, who’s arrived to help search. Brendon spots us too and starts to walk over, looking like he wants to talk.

“Such a jerk,” I whisper. “I can’t believe the police cleared him.” After his interview, Brendon posted a picture of himself outside the police station, smiling and giving a thumbs-up with the comment: Nothing to see here, folks. #IAmInnocent

“An alibi is an alibi,” Chloe says, guiding me into her SUV. “Let’s go before he tries to talk to us.”

The drive back to Crystal Cove is subdued, and my guilt explodes. If we just had her phone, I—I think we’d know everything, Grady said. The fact that his sister’s phone has been beneath my mattress the last three nights is beyond unacceptable. I vow that tonight I’ll power it on and see what’s there, and then I’ll figure out a way to turn it in without incriminating Jake or me.

On the way back to town, Alyssa brings up graduation and then quickly drops it. With each day that passes, it’s starting to look more and more like Tegan won’t finish high school. Ever.